Lights up.
Theresa enters and speaks directly
to the audience. This speech introduces
the use of an illuminated sign. This
sign, which likely appears someplace
downstage or sidestage, is controlled
by the stage manager and can be flashed
on and off like an applause sign. The
sign features a maple leaf and the
word "CAN-CON".
THERESA
Hi, folks. Welcome to the [second half of the] show.
Before we begin, the company would like to extend a
special welcome to any of Our Neighbours To The South
who may be joining us tonight. We appreciate the effort
you've made to attend the show despite our cultural differences
and the obvious language barrier.
We have just a few announcements. Because this show is written
and performed by Canadians, it falls under the jurisdiction
of the Canadian Radio-television and Telecommunications Commission.
CAN-CON light flashes.
The CRTC, which is a regulatory body responsible for overseeing
broadcasting and entertainment, requires that all our productions
include at least seventeen percent Canadian content. To help our
American viewers spot the Canadian content in the show, we have
installed a CAN-CON meter.
CAN-CON light flashes.
The meter--which is about thirty-nine inches in the American system
of measurement--will flash whenever the show touches on Canadian
content of any kind such as our citizens, our landscape, or our
thriving film and wine industries. This will help you identify and
enjoy culturally-specific references.
For example, the telephone was first tested in Brantford,
Ontario, Canada...
CAN-CON light flashes.
Insulin was developed by Canadian Doctors Banting and Best...
CAN-CON light flashes.
And basketball was invented by Canadian James Naismith.
CAN-CON light flashes.
Superman: Canadian. Brain surgery: Canadian. Time zones: Canadian.
The Age of Aquarius, Saturday Night Live, and Pablum brand baby food
products. Canadian, Canadian, Canadian.
CAN-CON light flashes a lot. Theresa
is building up a full head of steam:
Hemingway wrote for the Toronto Star. Marilyn Monroe made a movie
in British Columbia. And Al Capone once observed, "I don't even
know what street Canada is on."
CAN-CON light flashes three times.
Theresa is ranting:
You get the idea? If they ever set foot in Canada, they're
Canadian content. If it was invented in Canada, assembled in
Canada, or funded by our tourist dollars, it's Canadian content.
If it's written in French, if it's filmed in IMAX, if it's made
of wheat, wood pulp, seal pups or cod, it's Canadian content.
CAN-CON light flashes.
Well, not so much cod these days.
CAN-CON light flashes.
Thank you, and enjoy the show.
Theresa turns to exit, then stops
and points to the CAN-CON light gleefully:
By the way: World Series! World Series! World Series!
[Or some recent Canadian sporting
triumph] CAN-CON light flashes three times.
Theresa exits. Lights down.
NOTE: The CAN-CON meter is used to accent the Canadian in-jokes (such as Ralph Benmurgai and Bachman Turner Overdrive) just so the Americans know why they don't necessarily get it the same way the Canadian in the next seat does. The CAN-CON cues are flagged with a [*] in the rest of the script.